Movie: Masters of the Universe (1987)
Directed by: Gary Goddard
Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella
Written by: David Odell, Stephen Tolkin

Few figures in film are as divisive as Menahem Golan, a producer/director/writer whose career spans over forty years. While generally regarded within the Israeli film community as a visionary who produced the worldwide smash Eskimo Limon, he is also equally reviled for setting the comic book film back ten years, and creating a number of not so swell films on his own. Do you remember the Captain America film? Do you want to remember Superman IV? Would you have wanted to see a Spider-Man film set in the 80s? Didn’t think so. While the majority of his crimes came through his roles as producer, his greatest infamies took shape when he directed films. If seeing Chuck Norris scramble around in Delta Force made you weep, or if you’re like my mother and were reduced to howls of laughter upon watching Sylvester Stallone turn his hat backwards for dramatic arm-wrestling effect in Over the Top, you now know who to blame. And let us not forget The Apple, the greatest disco rendition of the Book of Genesis, the greatest deus ex machina on film – hell, the greatest musical of all time!

All of this should prepare a viewer for what to expect when Golan takes on He-Man. First, Golan slapped a blond mullet on Dolph Lundgren and made him Stallone around with a huge sword. Secondly, he canned almost all of the classic cartoon characters and replaced them with midgets and lizardmen. Third, the Eternians end up on Earth, where they get to hang out with Courtney Cox and the bald principal from Back to the Future. Yeah, that dread? Totally justified. Yet what should on paper be a wretched franchise grab is glorious, because it confirms what I’ve always believed.

Skeletor is the greatest fictional character of all time.

“Tell me about the loneliness of good, He-Man. Is it equal to the loneliness of evil?”

Decades before he played Richard Nixon and achieved his most recognizable success, Frank Langella was brought in to play He-Man’s villain and save this film. He did. No longer was Skeletor a delightfully bumbling, inept warlord who failed to conquer Eternia with sitcom clockwork. Langella turned the Lord of Snake Mountain into a brooding, Shakespearean megalomaniac on the cusp of total victory. He delivers wide-eyed monologues about destiny, overwhelms his opposition, and most importantly he blasts Courtney Cox. My hero.

An interesting bit of trivia: what would have become Masters of the Universe II instead became the Van Damme classic Cyborg. Perhaps that’s best; who knows what would have become of Skeletor.